


First night

by TeaHouseMoon



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Elio remembers, Love, M/M, Sex, Their first time, elio is in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 07:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaHouseMoon/pseuds/TeaHouseMoon
Summary: Elio remembers his first time with Oliver.





	First night

Elio ran his hand over his bed often. His fingers stroking the bedcovers - sometimes green, sometimes blue, most of the times an ivory white, Mafalda’s favourite - feeling the tiny bumps of the fabric, aged by time, and washing and drying under the sun.  
He wondered. He and Oliver - they’d been on those bedsheets; on that mattress. Weeks ago. A month?

Had it even really happened?

Elio wondered it, often.

But of course it had. He got so angry at his mind for playing tricks on him.  
It had happened, and he would never forget. It hurt to remember, but he was going to hurt if that meant never letting the memories go; replaying them in his mind, over and over, until he could feel the touch of Oliver’s hands, the wet of his tongue; the weight of his body. Until he could imagine everything as it happened, moment by moment - forever imprinted into his soul.

He was so scared, that night. Elio. He didn’t want to show it, and he thought he was doing a good job of it. But the truth is that he was worried he was going to start shaking, out of nerves and anticipation; and so he had to say something.

“I’m nervous.”

Oliver’s hands were solid and warm, each time he touched him. He’d gently guided Elio’s face to look at him; his fingers a weight against his cheekbone.

Back in Oliver’s room - _Oliver’s room. Oliver’s room_ \- Elio had been terrified. He thought he was experienced; he thought he’d grown up.

 _How do you start this?  
Oliver, do something_.

But thinking about it, with the wisdom of the time passed and everything that had happened between them, Elio knew Oliver was letting him choose. Oliver didn’t want to pressure him. Oliver had let him decide.

Elio could not remember what went though his mind, right then.  
One moment he was awkwardly sitting next to him, next to the man he desired, that his body desired; the next, he was clinging to him. His lanky body holding onto Oliver, letting him support his slight weight, trusting him totally. Submissively baring his throat for Oliver to kiss, to bite if he wanted to. Elio didn’t care.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes please.”

Elio’s body had gone into flames. Burning with lust and desire. And yet it was a push and pull, between them; Elio wanted nothing more than to be in the man’s arms; Oliver teased him gently. _Flirted_.

 _He flirted with me,_ Elio found himself thinking sometimes. Such a grown up thing to do; to flirt.

As if Oliver didn’t already have him in his bedroom, in the dark, as if what was about to happen hadn’t already been planned.

Elio had felt grown up, too, when he’d straddled Oliver on the bed. He loved feeling Oliver’s big arms around his skinny frame. They’d kissed so deeply, so deeply; their hips already moving on their own, after friction, after heat. Elio was functioning via instinct only.

Oliver’s heavy breathing had made him tremble, then.

His large body on Elio’s was a strange presence: reassuring, and unnerving. Elio wanted it more than anything in the world, craved it more than air; if Oliver had pulled away then he would have stopped breathing.

But Elio also knew what this meant.

He’d anticipated pain. He knew there was going to be.  
And Oliver had kissed him everywhere, asked, and twined their fingers - but it still hurt.

“Do you want to stop?”, Oliver had murmured quietly.

Elio had wished to not have heard; so that Oliver would go ahead anyway. He didn’t want to decide, because it hurt. But he wanted it to happen.

Oliver’s body was tense, like a chord, like a bow; and in the end, that was Elio’s undoing. To see how much Oliver wanted him; how much Oliver desired him, seventeen year old Elio, who knew nothing, who had no real knowledge of the world and of life beside books and music sheets. This interesting, attractive, intelligent man desired him, him, so much so that he couldn’t leave his body, couldn’t stop wanting to fuck him.

Elio couldn’t stop thinking, _I want you to find your pleasure in my body_.

He wanted to be the best for Oliver. He wanted Oliver to forget everyone else before him, and everyone else after him. If Elio only had this chance, then it would have to be the best that Oliver ever had.

It had felt good, for Elio, too, when Oliver had finally found his space inside him. Elio had panted against his mouth - it felt weird, it hurt; it felt so good. Oliver checked again - You okay? - voice muffled against Elio’s shoulder, and Elio could only whisper, yes, before Oliver’s body had actually started moving.

It was fascinating to think about; it was strange and beautiful, at the same time.

Elio had to ask himself, quite a few times: is this really happening?

Oliver had come all over his chest. Then Elio had come too, all over his own chest - so they were one thing, now. Mingled.  
Oliver had given him another deep, long kiss, and at the end Elio had been breathless.  
Next time, he was going to ask Oliver to come inside him.

As Elio stroked the sheets again - _here, I can see a crease; maybe a stain - that was from us. It happened for real_ \- he bit his lip. Groaned. His eyes were wet, but he was hard, also.

Such a grotesque combination; to miss Oliver so much that he cried, and to desire him still, so ardently, that his body was selfish and greedy.

 _I just want to hear your voice_ , he thought to himself, for the hundredth time.  
He was so jealous of himself, the self who made love with Oliver, that first night; and every night after that.  
What would he give, to touch him again. To have Oliver touch him again.  
Like that first night. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it. If you did, please let me know! It would make my day. Xx


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